i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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