Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
