Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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