so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
