I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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