Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
