Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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