I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
