At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
