i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
