So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
