I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
