know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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