You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
