Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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