also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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