I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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