i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
