I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
