Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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