No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
