in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
