The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
