you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
