All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
