I wish I could punch you in the face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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