i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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