oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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