He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
