I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
