Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This girl is more easily done than said...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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