remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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