I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
