I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
