It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
