um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
