i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
