why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
