i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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