I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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