Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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