you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
