Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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