Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
