I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
