if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
