I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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