Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
