Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
