These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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