I accidentally burped into my bong.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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