He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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