like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
