I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
