You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
