oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
