at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
