I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
