my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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