Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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