Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
