my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
