my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
