my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
