So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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